Clickety Clickety FOLLOW

Who is this ghostly spectre?
What made her life so grim?
I will tell you......
if you really want to know.
She took her own life because.......

No one clicked to the right of her blog where the button said....
"JOIN THIS SITE."
Nah I'm just teasing.
But it would make me happy to know who you are out there.
It's easy....
Click the button
It's on the left side
Scroll down a little
Your picture would be there and
I will get to see you....
And then I will tell the real reason for her demise.
Cmon....you know you want to.

Ladies only please...I am using the word bra

 

I bought my very sports bra today.

It was as bad as any other bra shopping experience to date with the added pressure 

of jogging in the dressing room to check out that it was capable of doing it's "job".

It was part of my pre-race ritual...

Yes I said the word RACE.

A word that until today in my vocabulary only meant to specify:

a group of persons related by common decent or heredity.

Tonight it will mean something totally different.

It will mean "Onward movement"

It is only 1.1 miles in honor of 11/11/11.

I am not honoring it...the race people are,

But my friend Joy signed me up and said that I could do it.

And it is the shortest one that I have heard about.

It makes my stomach feel funny.

So I have dedicated the day to it.

I don't know how the running "pro's" do it but being such a novice.....

Here is my schedule....

10:00 woke up....slept in for that extra energy or maybe because it's cold outside

10-11 Laid in bed with the covers over my head wondering "WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING"

11:00 Power breakfast of a Life cereal bar since my blender was dirty. I forgot to turn on the dishwasher last night because I was wondering "WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING" and I didn't want to waste any more needed energy.

11-12 Edited photos until I realized that I was getting a crick in my neck....stopped immediately and wondered what the "pros" do about that.

12-1 Went to Wal-Mart to buy jogging clothes and all important jogging bra. Stopped at Sonic for the also all important Route 44 Diet Coke with Cranberry and Extra Ice. Told my Sonic friend Margarita at the drive through window that I was running my first race tonight. The language barrier did not allow me to fully explain it to her and so we just smiled and she said "Be Careful"....good advice, I think.

1-2 Ate Sushi and think about if that is what the "pros" eat.

2-3 Write this post.

3-4 Change in to oddly uncomfortable newly purchased running clothes and think, "WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING???"

Every since my children left the nest I have been trying to do things that take me out my comfort zone. I have found that it is the only way to really be happy.

I had gotten so used to being a mother that I forgot what it was like to do something totally new

Totally scary.

Totally crazy.

I guess that's what I was thinking....

Wish me luck

Cuz here I go!

P.S. I love this picture. I was at the Chinese Long Boat Races in Sugar Land and there was this crowd of children ready to give a demonstration of their karate skills. All of the children were wound up  and excited and playing and laughing.

This little girl was so focused, she blocked everything out.

She was going through her routine in her mind.

She was so focused.

I wanna be just like her.

Perception

It's quiet.
I have accomplished what I feel is a day's full of activities
and it is not quite 7 pm.
I jokingly posted this on my facebook wall... 
I slept in, did some work, went to lunch with my mom, cleaned my room, walked 3 miles, made dinner and elfed myself and my siblings and it isn't even 7pm yet. This daylight savings time is really messing with me. I'm going to have to start pacing myself better.
It struck me that years ago I dreamed this life.
All too real memories flood back of waiting for Todd after the darkness of daylight savings time had caused all three children to be back safely in the house and watch the minutes tick by as if they were hours. Each child either hungry, bored, tired or the combination of all three and me trying to fix dinner and mentally counting the minutes till my relief showed up. On bad evenings (and truly there were not that many....flashbacks are always a little exaggerated)  I would mentally count the years until they were all gone.
Figuring that maybe the smarter ones could skip a grade or two.
(To my three amazingly intelligent children reading this.....of course mommy means you)
And therefore take a few years off of my sentence.
I knew that the light at the end of the tunnel would be glorious.
And it is....
kinda

I want to skip to another story here before I wrap up this little "deep thought"
(Don't worry I will come back to this one) 


I was in the Salt Lake airport last week waiting for my flight to take me back home.
I had had a wonderful week with my four children.
(Yes Dave you ARE my family)
And I was a little misty at the thought of leaving them.
With the Winns, good-byes are usually pretty ugly.
I was excited to get back to my new home, my sweet husband and my very quiet life
But I still was trying to transition.
I decided my best strategy was to go stand at the missionary portal.
For those of you who are not LDS or from the state of Utah let me explain.
In the Salt Lake airport there is a place that daily has families and friends
Huddled together with balloons and signs and smiles that are the best smiles in the world.
Seriously..
What smile beats the one of a mother about to embrace her son after two years of not doing so?
The only reunions that I have ever seen to equal them are the military reunion videos that I have stopped myself from watching since I end up crying so much I am afraid of short circuiting my keyboard.
The looks on these peoples faces are like a boost...
A legal drug...
Better than a triple rainbow.
They are my favorite thing about flying out of Utah.
I watched for a few minutes and remembered
I could feel the hug that meant so much to me in Guatemala
I knew that when tears were about to form that it was time for me to move through the 
jolting reality of security.
As I approached the woman TSA agent I took one more look behind me to soak up the look on the eager families faces...
A moment in time that they would remember forever.
Uplifted I gave her a big smile and said HI!!
(In fairness I always smile because I don't want to be strip searched, but this one was real, I promise)
I then blurted out,
"You must have the BEST job in the world!"
She scowled.
I mean you get to watch this (and I pointed my arms in the direction of missionary portal) EVERYDAY!
That's when she exploded.
"I WISH THEY WOULD ALL STAY HOME LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO!  IT JUST MAKES MY JOB WORSE!"
I walked away a little stunned.
I wanted to say something but I didn't...... but remember.....security body cavity search????
I just had to settle on thinking in my mind what I had just experienced.
How two people could see something so differently.
That what made one person weep with emotion...
Would make another person so angry.
I guess it's all about perception.


And so I say to all my friends out there with small children at home who are in the trenches of motherhood. Yes there are some great things to look forward to...
But enjoy every second that you can right now.
There are things to be missed.
And miss them you will.
It is all about perception.


P.S. To all those wondering why I posted that picture with this post....I just liked it.  I like scary things. Todd does not.....perception

A day that will live in infamy.......

No not Pearl Harbor.....
November 4, 1966 to be exact.
Now before you accuse me of being dramatic...remember that to a five year old being bumped out of the coveted place of "baby of the family" is the same act that declares war.
And war it was.
I have but few really detailed memories of the first ten years of my life.
But there is one that stands out with perfect clarity.
On the first anniversary of said date of infamy.
November 4, 1967
My mom and I spent an afternoon together...alone.
Which wasn't that common since I was the third of four children.
I think that she sensed that I needed a little extra attention with the year that I had just lived through.
And so we made a cake together.
I was able to help bake and frost and even decorate.
Which didn't happen too often in my mother's very controlled kitchen.
At the time I thought it the most magnificent of all cakes.
Decorated with a border of animal crackers that I had carefully and artistically placed.
I was overwhelmed with feelings of pride and amazement.
And then it happened...
If there was ever a time when my emotions went from pure joy to sheer terror, this was that day.
The cake that was a symbol of what a mother and daughters love could create was offered up..
On a beautiful white glass pedestal platter.....
To him!

I could not believe my tear filled eyes.
He was actually just given the whole thing to claw and paw at with his little grubby fingers,
while everyone laughed and snapped photos.
The tears flowed freely and my vehement protests fell on deaf ears.
Then the laughter and cameras turned to me to document my torture.
I couldn't bear another minute.
I left the room and found a corner to hide in.
And that is when I first learned that
War truly is hell.
P.S. This is the little cake monster now.

 We have actually mentally signed a peace treaty and declared the war over...
But if he EVER touches a cake of mine again with his grubby little paws...........
Well I cannot be held responsible for what will happen then.
P.S.S. Happy Birthday Baby Davey. You turned out to be one of the few men that I both love and admire. You are the best baby brother that I could have asked for even though I didn't actually realize it at the time. That being said you still owe me a pristine untouched birthday cake with an animal cracker border.

Compliments of the Management

Only the best when the Winn family sets out on their road trips....
We drive in style and comfort in our big ole red van.
We dine in the finest fast food establishments available in places like ...
Comanche, Texline, Gustine, and Nageezi. (actually there is no fast food in Nageezi, there is not even a gas station or a stop sign but I like to say it's name anyway)
And we almost NEVER eat at a fast food that is attached to a gas station.
After all we have our high standards to uphold.
Our nights lodgings are always first class as well.
As evidenced by the gift that was waiting for us in our hotel in New Mexico.
Not only was the management offering us it finest guest towel with their compliments....
But they also made sure we understood the many ways that we could use this great gift.
I am certainly going to appreciate the "guest towels" that we collect in our fine eating establishments as well
now that I know just how many uses there are for something
of this quality.
P.S. Isn't my son just the cutest?

Goodbye my friend...

I said goodbye to a dear friend today.
They say that what doesn't break you....makes you stronger....
But what about what you break?
Does that make you stronger?
I stared at the tile floor this afternoon in shock believing that if I just stared long enough my camera would jump back up in place perched upon the brand new tripod I was testing.
CONCENTRATE
CONCENTRATE....
That did NOT just happen.
Well I guess I am getting ahead of myself here....
It all started when I decided to practice my photography skills while showing ya'll my new house and at the same time showing off my excessive Halloween decorations. Multi-tasking....and since I had slept in later this morning than I should it was going to be an atonement of sorts.
I excitedly pulled out my newest toy.
A brand new tripod!
Nothing says professional like a fancy new tripod....
I attached my favorite wide angle lens and aimed it towards my ever increasing stash of Halloween, while contemplating whether or not my home was beginning to look like the shelves at Hobby Lobby.
Click!
What joy to be shooting......
Crash!!
(This part was truly like it is in the movie...slow motion....while the sounds of OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO out of mouth were equally slow)
The crashing thud made my stomach flip flop and I hesitated to look down. I stared at the top of the tripod and blinked a couple of times to make sure.
And then I looked down.
It was on the floor
and there were a couple of pieces of broken plastic scattered around it.
I just froze.
Picking it up would mean I would have to face the consequences.
Was it a total loss?
Minutes seemed to pass...
It's funny how the mind sometimes refuses to process what it does not want to process.
I finally bent down and scooped it up.
I turned it on and all of the right lights and numbers appeared.
Could it be that all would be alright?
Were the camera gods smiling down upon me.
I slowly pressed the shutter release button......
Darkness.
My wide angle lens...
My very FIRST lens ever....
was gone.
I post tonight the last picture that it took,
in memory of a wonderful lens.
I will miss you..
sniff
sniff.
P.S. The lens must have taken the force of the fall since the camera is working fine. I took over 500 shots at a middle school football game tonight. Whew.....)

Quarter Century...Oh Baby!

25 years ago today I met her.
She made it known immediately that my life would never be the same.
We named her Megan.
which means strong.
And we were right on the money with that decision.
She is STRONG
I used to describe her as a 100 watt bulb in a 25 watt socket.
She is BEAUTIFUL
inside and out.
She is INTELLIGENT
I knew I was in trouble when at 2 she was speaking full sentences that started out with, "Well actually Mom."
She is FAITHFUL
Faithful to her family, to her husband, and to the gospel.
She is my FIRST BORN
subject to all the perks and downsides of being my "test case". We had to figure out being a mother and daughter together and she still is the first to enter new frontiers as our relationship develops.
She is ARTICULATE
she speaks her mind and believe me her mind is filled to capacity. She amazes me with her ability to remember and to think and to speak.
She is LOVING
She loves with all her heart and is always there to help out her family with whatever they need.
She is TALENTED
she teaches like a seasoned professional and is there for any of her students to help them and guide them in life's tricky teenage journeys.
She is my Megan and I have been honored to share the last 25 years of my life intertwined with hers.
She is my shinin' pride
A quarter of a century of being her mother.
What an honor and privilege.
I love you Meggie Peggie.
Happy Birthday!

Self Portraits at the Tax Office

I was number 48.
They were only on 21 at the Tax Assessor's Office.
They made us sit in pews like we were at a church meeting.
All facing the front like we were being watched.
And we couldn't talk on our cell phones.
Not at all.
So I did the next best thing.
The guy who was sittting next to me slid down to the other end of the pew,
after I took these self portraits.
Why?

Don't make me go all "Terms of Endearment" on you.

My Dad had back surgery this morning.
As the nurses and doctors were bustling around preparing him for surgery...
What was I doing?
Taking pictures of course!
Duh!
I mean why else would I be there?
Actually I can come in handy sometimes for other things as well.
Last night I lay in bed anticipating the 6:00 alarm and staring at the ceiling when my thoughts turned to another surgery my father had about 15 years ago.
He had prostate cancer and decided that the best treatment would surgery. I went with them so that I could sit in the waiting room with my mom who happens to hold the title of "Greatest Worrier in the World".
Seriously...
She has perfected the art of worrying and should teach college level classes at the local university.
There was 5 or 6 other families that were all there waiting for their family members to have the same procedure. We were all told that the nurse would come out when the procedure was begun and then midway through to give us a progress report and then towards the end when they were almost finished. Then the doctor would come out and talk to us about the surgery.
We sat anxiously waiting for the first report as did the other families in the room.
The first report trickled out to each family one by one and we all felt a little relief.
The second report came a couple of hours later like dominoes falling and as each family heard the news they would smile and look a little more comfortable.
That is except Mom and I.
We didn't get out second report.
We waited and waited and waited.
Every time a nurse would come in, we would be hopeful that she was looking for us, only to watch her pass on by.
As the nurses came to the other families to give a final report we were getting downright scared.
Finally a nurse comes up to us and says, "Would you follow me?"
She leads us into a small room that looks like has been set up to resemble someones living room. A tacky one at that.
My eyes scan the room and fall on the box of kleenex and a bible.
This can't be good.
I don't want to say what I am thinking of course because I am there to be the support person.
I am the designated "everything's going to be fine" person.
I try my best to reassure my mother who is at this point looking as frightened as I have ever witnessed.
Both of us are trying to figure out what will come next.
I reassure her again that I am sure that it will be fine.
But I don't know that.
5 minutes pass.
It seems like hours.
I keep saying the same thing over and over to my mother's concerns that my father has passed away.
"We don't know that! Everything will be okay."
Ten minutes pass.
My words are hollow and I have nothing left new to say.
Everytime I look at my mother's face I feel pain and that makes me
ANGRY.
After the longest 15 minutes I have ever waited through I decide my mother has suffered enough.
I don't know if you have seen the movie, "Terms of Endearment"

But in a nutshell, Shirley Maclaines daughter is dying of cancer and is in a lot of pain.
When it comes to the time she should have another pain pill the nurses are not responding.
In one of my favorite scenes ever, she goes to the nurses station, pounds her fists on the counter and screams for them to get her daughter a pain pill.
It is all that she can do for this person she loves so much.
Take away her pain.
Well I quickly surveyed our "family room" and saw a door marked,
"Medical personnel only"
I got up and opened the door and came face to face with the big metal swinging door marked Surgery.
At this point there was no stopping me.
I pushed them open as hard as I could
And faced a counter of surprised nurses faces.
Before they could even speak I said something to this effect.
"My sweet mother has been sitting in this horrible room thinking that her husband is dead for over 15 minutes now and I don't care what it takes but somebody is going to go and give her information NOW!"
(I can't remember if I pounded my fists or not but I hope so)
The poor nurses were stunned and it took a moment for it to sink in.
"What's your Dad's name?"
John Lauck.
"Oh he is fine and in recovery. His doctor should have been already. He likes to talk to the family privately instead of in the waiting room."
Well la-ti-da!
Couldn't someone have told us that to begin with?
One of the best pieces of information I have ever been able to deliver was to my sweet mother that everything was fine, better than fine....it was great!
This morning the nurse told us before my dad went in that this doctor will take us into a private room to discuss the surgery.
It's a good thing they told me.
I don't think they want me to go all "Shirley Maclaine" on them.
Nobody wants to see that again.

My Dilemma

Well I told you I have a dilemma with my new job...right?
Here it is in a nutshell.....
MUSIC!
I am sure you are scratching your head and wondering if I belong in a nutshell.
I have spent the past 25 years either listening to Disney soundtracks or giving up control of my car radio to the frantic fingers of my teenagers whose attention spans rarely ever let me hear what I wanted to listen to.
But no more.
I am in my car, well Bill's car, alone with nothing but the real estate signs rattling in the back.
So I turn on the radio.
My music of choice?
Er...well...mmm....okay okay.
I ADMIT IT! I like the current music and I like rap!
And by that I don't mean that I like to appear really cool in front of my kids or their friends by cranking up todays current hits and dancing in a style that they think was invented at the age of dinosaurs.
I mean I "secretly" like it and would rather not anyone know it.
After all I am a mature woman and proud of that fact.
But I am a product of the 70's and the disco beat still runs through my veins....
I wasn't born an old lady you know.

I once "got down" to the likes of the Earth Wind and Fire, the Commodores, Brick and the very infancy of rap music.
And even though the kids of today wouldn't admit it the beat is really still the same.
Infectious.
My problem is that since I have so much time to drive and think.....
I also have time to pay attention to the lyrics.
I mean...I knew some of them were not that great but I started to see a horrible pattern developing. A message woven like an ugly tapestry through the pounding of the mesmerizing beats.
Women are only used for one thing.
and
Guys should really just push that agenda until they get what they want.
The messages though repugnant to ME don't change my views but strengthen my desire to eradicate them.
I remember the first time I actually listened to the lyrics of "Tonight" by Enrique Iglesias.

I know you want me
I made it obvious that I want you too
So put it on me
Let's remove the space between me and you
Now rock your body
D#$@ I like the way that you move
So give it to me
Cause I already know what you wanna do

Here's the situation
Been to every nation
Nobody’s ever made me feel the way that you do
You know my motivation
Give in my reputation
Please excuse I don't mean to be rude

But tonight I'm loving you
Oh you know
That tonight I'm loving you
Oh you know
That tonight I'm loving you
I couldn't believe that given his "reputation" and knowing his "motivation" that ANY woman would want him. He does say "excuse me and I don't mean to be rude" and all but seriously!!
Enrique!....I don't care if you were the last man on earth and I was twenty years younger and the worlds fate depended on us procreating would I EVER let you come within 10 feet of my you international twerp!
It goes on to say a bunch of more offensive things which I guess are supposed to make a girl swoon.
Is this really how young girls expect to be wooed?
(I know using the word wooed here is a dead give away that I rode a dinosaur to school but it is a perfectly good word and by the sounds of our society needs to be not only brought back but defined!)
Ne-Yo's current song takes it even a step farther with the lyrics...

excuse me
but i might drink a little bit more than i should tonight
and i might take you home with me if i could tonight
and i think you should let me cause i look good tonight
and we might not get tomorrow

grab somebody sexy tell ‘em hey
give me everything tonight
give me everything tonight
give me everything tonight
give me everything tonight
Really!
Should I count myself lucky that you started with the word "excuse me" and were honest about the fact that you are drunk and did you REALLY just say that there might not be tomorrow?
Wow someone else used that line in a really popular book.
It's called the BIBLE and his name was Satan.
So thanks but no thanks....(see I have manners too)

And Maroon 5's new one...Moves like Jagger

I don't need try to control you
Look into my eyes and I'll own you
With them the moves like jagger.

It would take a little more than you prancing around like creepy Mick Jagger to control me and you would NEVER even have a shot in you know where to own me.
Now I don't like to get on a soapbox about things like this and  I am past the point where I could be influenced by this pap, but, I still feel guilty.
I teach a Sunday school class of 12 and 13 year old young men and young women that might not exactly know who they really are yet and lyrics like these could really mess somebody up.
I don't want to become a crusader for better music since that rarely ever works.
I still remember a stake fireside when I was a youth were they tried to explain the impact that music was having on our teen age minds.
When they brought up the lyrics to "Momma's got a squeeze box", and said that there was a "double meaning" to it, we actually could not contain our laughter.
Laughed out loud there sitting on the church pews.
We thought that they were just so not with it and we were so impervious to any effects from music.
Now the lyrics to songs are not even encoded with secret messages about sexuality.
They just come out and boldly demand it.
(Well they do say excuse me and I don't mean to be rude)

And so I worry about the young people who are constantly barraged with these messages.
And I wonder what more I can do......
And I wonder if that means I have to stop listening to it too.
P.S. Excuse me Rihanna!! I don't mean to be rude but you are nasty.

New House...New Job....New Me!

So hard to know where to begin after my blogging absence.
There have been so many changes that have happened.
Should I start with the one that I get the most questions about?
........my chunkier highlights?
Nah...
I'll save that for another day.
Let's talk about my new J O B!
Yes a JOB!
(Not that the last 25 years of raising children, running the house, chauffeuring, volunteer work, church callings, and assorted miscellaneous duties have been all fun and games)
But someone is going to finally compensate me with cash dollars for my time.
WHAT A CONCEPT!
p.s. the photography doesn't count until I make enough money to cover the cost of my equipment and therefore make it from the minus to the plus column.
It kinda just fell into my lap.
I was talking to my real estate agent Bill Moore about our house that we are trying to sell
(Did I tell you I have a NEW house.....different post than today though)
He asked me if I knew any young people that could use a part time job as a runner,
I didn't.
But I jokingly said that if he didn't sell my house quickly then I would certainly need him to hire me.
We both chuckled.
And that was the extent of the conversation.
That night as I was thinking about the day, it struck me like in the cartoons where the mouse hits the cat with a frying pan....
WHY NOT!
I could be a runner!!!
(Now to all those who know me and are snickering at the thought of my job title having the word "runner" in it, I want you to know two things...First I am a new woman regarding exercise....another post for another day AND Bill has upgraded my title to "Courier" in deference to advanced years of maturity)
So I emailed Bill and asked for the job.
It's actually perfect for me right now.
It is very flexible.
I get to take pictures of houses. Love that of course.
And the one part I thought I wouldn't like.....
the driving
is actually turning out to be one of my favorite parts!
Who'd have thunk it!

I get to drive a Scion with Bill's face on it which can sometimes attract some stares.
I get to use my new muscles placing and removing heavy signs from our Houston drought parched soil.
I get to see different parts of the city.
Today I saw a HUMONGOUS cross I never knew existed.
I get to listen to music on the radio.
I never know what my assignment will be or what danger lies ahead.
Kinda like a real estate James Bond.

 This was a fun sign to retrieve.
All in all it has been a really great fit for me.
I only have one dilemma...
And it has to do with the music......
And that my friends will be my next post.
I'm going to need your help on this one.
(Someone asked me if it was embarrassing to drive a  car with advertising and I said, "Heck no! It could always be worse.)

P.S. If you are looking to sell or buy a house and want a great real estate agent call Bill Moore
        Need the number?
        It's right on the car!

Missing you.....

Hey....
(head nod)
What's new?
(awkward silence)
So..um....yeah......guess it's been awhile.
(head bowed a little, eyes staring towards my feet)
So um...I don't know if you are still interested or whatever...but...
(looking up at little while fidgeting with my keyboard)
I did a few things this summer....
(awkward pause #2)
I mean if you are interested....
Um, that is..... unless you are following some other blogger.
Which I would sooooo totally understand....TOTALLY.
But you know whatever, cause no big deal.....
It's just that I moved unexpectedly, went to Europe, got two new jobs, lost 50 pounds, climbed a mountain, changed my perspectives and decided to go "chunkier" on the highlights on my hair.
But no biggee...
It's just that I had a story or two....
And....
(blushing a little bit)
I missed ya'll.