This morning I woke up with a pounding headache. I have never been a drinker but I rubbed my forehead firmly as I considered that this must be what a hangover feels like after a night of partying hard. As I willed myself out from under the covers at almost noon, surmising that my strategy to stay in bed was not helping cure the headache, I resolved to tidy things up after last nights celebration. I started with the gifts I had received from my children and grandchildren, carefully crafted works of art and well thought out gifts that made me realize that they study my peculiarities as I do theirs. I reread their words of praise and love that last night I could only acknowledge momentarily as 15 sets of eyes and 15 loving yet loud mouths swirled around me like a cacophonous twister. I hung up the suncatcher cards with their words of "I love you so so much". I placed the card with rainbows and unicorns that stated, "You are the Best!" onto the refrigerator. I put fresh apples in the wooden bowl carefully carved and hand rubbed with walnut oil, my favorite wood oil scent from my son and thought about the Tuesday nights spent in his workshop while he patiently taught me how to use the lathe to turn a bowl. I watered the succulent (the only plant that has the strength to stay alive in my care) in the ceramic planter with each of my grandchildren's name etched on the side. I reread the card from written with tender words of admiration written from first born, my test pilot and her husband, my first in-law and test pilot. I taped together from my youngest the 16 strips of paper with 16 things she loves about me that flew out of a piñata because she knows I love an activity that includes fun for the kids and candy. I spent some time just admiring all of the love and thought that went into their gifts. They all tell me that I am the BEST mother. Yet on Facebook I looked at all the posts of others mothers and sons and daughters proclaiming their mothers the BEST. What?? How could that be? In this crazy contentious world you can hardly get anyone to agree on the best of anything yet here are post after post of children claiming their moms are the BEST. I think every mother might agree on one thing when words of praise are being heaped upon us each year on this special day. We didn't always feel like the BEST. There were many days that we went to sleep thinking that we were not cut out for this job or for any accolades in the future. There were moments in our days were we wondered if our children would grow up remembering every time we yelled or stuck our foot in our mouth and said something we didn't mean to. Or days were we didn't know what to say, days when we pasted a fake smile on our face and said that everything would be okay when we had no idea of anything but the feeling of rising panic. Or just the overwhelming monotony of the wash, rinse, and repeat of motherhood.
I remember with my firstborn feeling like I was not the BEST mother for her. That I was often short and impatient with her. That I was too selfish with my own needs. That she would know that the adjustment of giving up parts of myself for her needs was written all over my face. I thought on some of those days that she would grow up to be an adult that tolerated me and reminded me of my faults and shortcomings and I would just have to nod my head and accept my fate.
I won't post the words written on her card yesterday but they are beautiful. As is the bowl holding my apples and my memories of Tuesday nights. Or the 16 things that made tears come to my eyes.
SO for the official record let me just say that I may not be the BEST mother in the world but I know this one truth....I was the BEST mother I could be for them. I tried my BEST however imperfectly and the BEST part of it all is that is enough.
Happy Day after Mothers Day to the Best of the Best out there. You do deserve it.
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