A New Helmet

I spent the day on memory lane today.
It's a nice place to visit but...
I needed to pick 20 pictures for a slide show for my Peanut to be shown at a church Senior Roast.
It is a tradition in the wards that meet in our building.
I did it for Raar.
I did it for Nerent.
And now it's Peanuts turn.
20 pictures to try and represent her from cradle to high school graduate.
20 pictures.
I scanned the first one....

I looked into those eyes and....
uh oh.
This was not going to be easy.

When this picture was taken I was in the thick of things
as it were
of Motherhood.
There didn't seem to be a minute that there wasn't someone needing something from me.
Sometimes I felt like if one more person called my name...
Mom mommy momma mama mother....
I would scream.
If one more person needed to be held or picked up or changed or fed.....
Sometimes when Mr. T came through the door I wasn't even sure that I could give him a hug.
I just didn't NEED anymore physical contact...from anyone.
It seemed like it would be that way
forever.

Wrong.
How could I have looked forward to this day so much.
And yet be so unprepared for it now.
It makes me think of the story I told the Primary kids on Sunday about faith.
The lesson was about how faith is strengthened through obedience.
I told about a time when Peanut was 8 or 9.
It was a rule in our household that if you were on something with wheels you wore a helmet.
And if the wheels were on a car...a seat belt.
I did a pretty good job of enforcing that rule.
Anytime the announced that they were going to ride their bike I would say,
"Wear a helmet"
(Groans and rolling of the eyes followed the edict)
But helmets were worn.
Peanut went to spend the night at a friends house.
I don't know if the rule was not followed there or if it was because the mom went out that morning,
But Peanut decided that just this once....
No helmet.
The phone call I received was a doozy
I could hear Lauren in the background screaming and crying.
The oldest child there was trying to get Peanut to talk into the phone but to no avail.
No one could tell me what was going on.
I finally yelled into the phone, "WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT HAPPENED?
Peanut finally calmed down enough to tell me that she had fallen off of a bike and hit her head.
Her helmet-less head.
Mr. T and I rushed to the car and sped off. I prayed the whole way.
Please let this be OK.
Please don't let this be serious.
We got to the home and found Lauren crying.
Her yellow shirt was drenched red down her back
I was glad that she couldn't see how much blood there was.
I searched her curly tangled mop of hair for an assessment of the damage.
It didn't look too bad.
Whew.
We took her to the emergency room where they glued it back together and told us to watch for signs of concussion. The doctor said that she might throw up but if she did more than twice then we would have to call him to decide what was next.
She threw up three times.
I called and he said that we would give her just one more chance.
But no more throwing up or we would be back at the hospital.
We watched her all day and let her sleep.
I held her in my arms wihile stroking her matted curly mop of hair.
As soon as she felt better we would address the infraction.
The lack of helmet.
She was not prepared to ride a bike until her head was properly protected.

As I looked for 20 pictures of Peanut today,
20 pictures to represent her life....my life
I thought about that story
And realized that I am not sure that I am ready for this next phase.
I feel as if I am getting on a huge new bike......
Without a helmet.

I am definitely going to have to find new one.