Sunday, November 30, 2014

You are my favorite.

After an absence of over a year I am back to blogging.
I want to someday tell you about why I think I stopped but for tonight... I want to remind myself why I decided to start writing again.
My grandmother Elgie was one of my favorite people on the earth and for now I think she holds that title in heaven. She was someone who made me feel special. Being a middle child and the second girl had its ups and downs....
I just didn't always feel like I fit in as well as my older siblings.
Unless I was around Grandma Rampton. She had a way of making me feel like I was her favorite.
Looking through the haze of time and youth I can not be sure whether or not I really was her favorite or if she made everyone feel that way,
 but for now until I meet up with her again and ask her,
 I am just going to go with it.
I was her favorite person.
She passed away when I was 16.
She left us earlier than that though.
She had Alzheimers.
She slowly forgot who we were. When my mother would ask her if she recognized her, she would say, "Yes I are one of my people."
Truthfully I do not remember handling this "new" person very well. I was a teenager and typically absorbed in my own life. I was busy with school and friends and well frankly at a loss at what to do with her. She would sit in the rocking chair and wring her hands with a worried look knit into her brow. I know she hated it. I know she must have despised the process of losing her memory. She was a strong woman unaccustomed to having other people care for her. It was such a scary time for her. I would sometimes watch her from my couch as I lay there in all my teenage glory watching TV or reading a magazine. I would try and remember all the love and energy she put into her family. I would remind myself of who she was and how much she meant to me.
I still have dreams of her.
She never speaks but she is there and she loves me.
I am still her favorite.

What I wouldn't give now as I mother and grandmother my own brood.
What was she like as a woman? What were her thoughts and feelings about life and love and family?
I long to know her better.
I want to see in writing what she thought about in a day and what made her laugh.
And of course I would LOVE some proof in her own hand that I truly was as special as she made me feel......
That I was her favorite.

Kate and Sam and all my sweet grandchildren yet to come......
Here I am.
It's Grammy.
And yes. YOU are my favorite.

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