Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Empty Nest

I have written this post a dozen times and have discarded all of them.
About this new "stage" in my life.
Writing about it will help me absorb it and then move on but
the words are stuck in my brain.
I have faith that they will dribble out on their own in unexpected ways
and unexpected places.
But for now I will just share a quote from a movie.
I don't want to tell you then name of the movie because...well.....it's not a good movie.
It's not that it is a movie with sex or violence or nudity.
I can't recall any swearing.
It is just one of those movies that turns everything upside down but assures you it is right side up.
When I saw it in the theaters I was angry at the way they manipulated my feelings so that wrong seemed like right and right seemed like wrong.
When I saw it on the TV guide I muttered...
Oh THAT movie. I am not going to get suckered into watching that again.
And I planned on not watching it.
I am still not sure how I ended up watching it but there was something that the main character said that spoke to how I was feeling.
she said,
When a woman makes a choice to marry and have children.
In one way,  her life begins

and in another way it stops.
You build a life of details and

you just stop and stay steady
So that your children can move and
When they leave they take your life and details with them.
You are expected to move on again,
 but you don’t even remember what it was that moved you.
Because nobody has asked you in so long
Not even yourself.

I understood.
Lately,
I have felt a little like an untethered balloon.
It is a light and floaty feeling that I am not entirely comfortable with right now.
Don't get me wrong.
I love being a wife and mother.
It is what I chose and sacrificed for and
There is nothing that I would change or want to do different.
Nothing.
But I am at the place where I need to move on.
And I am asking myself,
What it is that moves me.....
And so the journey begins.

2 comments:

Just ME the MOM said...

It is certainly an interesting time, so days are great, other days I miss my kids so bad, I have to sit down and text them all, call them all - anything just to hear how their doing and find out what they've been doing for the day clear far away from home.

Crazy, we raise them to grow up and be independent, and then when they successful do so, we wonder what on earth we were thinkin' :D

((hugs))

Kristin

Cynthia said...

Well, the GOOD news is that you did a good enough job raising them that you GET to be an empty nester! Raising kids who can take the reigns of their own lives is nothing short of miraculous.

I have no doubt that the woman who could do THAT, can do this. You can find 'you'. New goals, a new purpose, new dreams. It will be fun to watch and see what you come up with!