Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Two New Men in my Life

What's new?
Well.....I will just come out and admit it.
There are two new men in my life.
There I said it.
Feels good to have it all out in the open.
One is a sea-faring man, an officer whose nutty ways always bring a smile to my face.
The other is sleek, dark and handsome with an ability to bring sunshine and music into my life.
I had always thought that "mid-life" crisis relationships were only for men. I didn't even realize that I was looking for them until they appeared in my life like ships that pass in the night.
Let me just dispense with the suspense and introduce you.
Mystery Man #1

The Cap'n

I wish that I knew what power this old man has over me lately. Heck I don't even think that he is even officially in the military. He doesn't call himself Captain Crunch but Cap'n.....suspicious.  The missing finger is a problem and well I have never been big on a man with facial hair.... Growing up my mother always bought Cap'n Crunch cereal as I suspect it was what could be purchased the cheapest. I didn't even like it then. I would usually just dig around in the box, pull out all the crunch berries and see if there was some prize to be had.
But doggone it.....This is ALL I want to eat anymore.
I think my record is 9....
Nine straight days of peanut butter Cap'n Crunch for dinner.
I hear whispers behind my back  from my children about a possible "crunchervention" being planned.
I find myself wanting alone time so that the Cap'n and I could meet without the stares and comments.
"Cap'n Crunch AGAIN??"
Todd offers all the time to take me out to dinner....anywhere I want......but truly this is my manna.
This is what I want.
I am fully blaming peri-menopause for this one.
That and the fact that after 50 years of not eating hamburgers, the only thing that can entice me away from my maritime friend is a western bacon cheeseburger at Smashburger.
I have always despised peanut butter, ground beef and barbeque sauce....the very three foods which are currently keeping me alive.
Mystery man number 2 you ask?

Black Jack

My new car.
Yes he is a guy.
Todd said that it was impossible and that all cars are girls but he is wrong.
This guys a dude! I am positive as I checked under the hood.
What is strange about this new man in my life is that I didn't even know that I wanted him.
I have always been apathetic about my mode of transportation, even going so far as to look down a little on others who went on and on about a certain make or model. Never wanting a vehicle to be a status symbol which represented me, I always said, "All I need is for a car to be reliable, take me from point A to point B, and have air conditioning. (which in Houston is not a frivolous request but an actual necessity)  
So when it came time to get a new vehicle the conversation went like this:
Todd: Well what kind of car do you want?
Me: I don't care...whatever.
Todd: Really?
Me: Well I am sick of driving around in an empty van. I feel like a sad retired school bus driver with no children. My voice echoes when I sing along with the radio.
Todd: Are we ready to make the leap to only having sedans? What if we need to haul something? How will we take everyone places when they come to visit?
Me: I don't want to haul anything and they will just have to bring their own cars.
Todd: What about camera equipment?
Me: Valid point....SUV then?
Todd: Great! What kind of SUV then?
Me: Oh I don't care....whatever is the best price and reliable.........
a sun roof.
(Here is where I start to become a different theory.....recent change of diet)
and American made.....
Ford perhaps.....
And definitely not white but any other color....
Or maybe grays and blacks.....

A few weeks later I find myself negotiating with the slick used car salesman Abraham...
I stride in and before I even shake his hand I say,
I want a Ford Escape 2011 or interior......under 25,000 miles and it has to have a sunroof. And I won't pay more than 19,000 Do you have that??
See ya!

Who am I???

As I evaluate my sudden interest in cars over a bowl of crunchy cereal I realize that I need to just go to Todd and tell him to buy me whatever is the most reliable car, that gets me from point A to point B and has air conditioning for the best price he can find.
He smiles and says, "we will find something."

That sweet man found me Black Jack.
And it is everything I asked for.
2012,Ford Explorer, black, sleek, sexy and the sun shines on my head as I go from point A to point B.

So is Todd worried about the two new men in my life?
How could he?
With a man like this...
There is NEVER any competition.

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