Friday, February 3, 2012

What is WRONG with me?

What is WRONG with me?
(For those of you with answers to that...please submit your list alphabetically, single spaced and please remember to number your pages in proper MLA format)
I hadn't looked at my blog for months.
(You noticed too? didn't?....nevermind)
I didn't think that it really mattered anyway.
I am sure that you all have plenty in your life to do without reading about my life.
Plus there are a bazillion blogs out there.
(Really..... I've counted. What do you think I have been doing the last few months?)
In fact I was reading one this morning of a mom whose child passed away of disease that seemed tortuous both to the baby and mom.
And through it all she blogged about it.
Almost three years of constant care of her dying child and she blogged almost daily.
I wondered if it was her link to the outside world....
I wondered if it was cathartic for her to have a place to express her feelings...
Was it a way of asking for help?
I looked at the tab at the top of my screen with the bookmark of my blog that had gone untouched.
I clicked it.
And started reading my own writing
I don't even remember some of the posts.
(no I am not crazy, "on" anything)
I enjoyed remembering about what I was thinking at that particular moment in time.
It struck me that our journey of thoughts are fleeting.
There are too many of them to keep them present and real to our minds.
So most of them are lost..
or not...

I had a professor at BYU who theorized that our physical bodies are our book of life from which we will be judged. That every thought, feeling and emotion is written and recorded in our cells.  All of the information which is so neatly tucked away will be revealed when we are able and ready to access them.
Until that time,
I think I need to be better at writing some of them down.
To remind myself
of me.
Who I was, who I am, and who I want to be.
A road map.
And ya'll are welcome to come along anytime you desire.