Monday, November 9, 2009
Merry Christmas Son! Love, Mom
This isn't a great picture but tonight it tugs at my heart more than I would like to admit.
It is my son.
He walked right in front of the camera as I was trying to capture a picture of our annual tradition of giving the Elder's in our ward a basket of Christmas gifts, just little fun things and treats.
I was probably perturbed at the time but what I wouldn't give..........
Tonight was tough.
I guess I should have been merry or bright but I wasn't.
Tears rimmed my eyes more than once.
I prepared my missionary son's box of Christmas cheer to get it in the mail tomorrow. I know it seems early but to make sure that it gets to Guatemala on time it has to be done ASAP.
In fact other Guat moms are already finished with their boxes and they are in the mail.
I had been collecting little things here and there the last few weeks.
But I had procrastinated the final preparations, the final touches.
Now it was time to put it all in a flat rate mailing box that seems like it gets smaller every time I use them.
I fought back tears as I wrapped each present with brightly colored paper.
Would perhaps a little Christmas music help?
No more noise.
My thoughts are enough noise.
I miss him too much right now.
I stuff and jam the offerings into the box.
The gifts seem silly now and too utilitarian. Who wants to get dress socks for Christmas? A tie? Whoppee! Merry Christmas?
I write a card to enclose in the package. I have nothing new to say. How many times can you say how proud you are and how much you love someone before it sounds too repetitious. But I do.......more than I can express with words.
And so I shed a few tears
As try to fit it all in like a puzzle that has too many pieces.
I will feel a little sorry for myself as I tape the box over and over as it threatens to burst at the seams.
I am bursting at the seams too.
I will feel differently on Christmas morning.
I will remind myself that my son is giving the greatest gift that he can give the Savior on his birthday.
He is following His admonition to "Feed my sheep" with all his might, mind, heart, and strength.
I will pray that as he opens up his silly utilitarian gifts that he will feel just how much he is loved.
And I will wait for the greatest gift
That I can recieve
The sound of his voice.
I can hardly wait.